My Name is Sara Sidle
by BensidySVU
Summary: Sara deals with some of the hardest decisions she has ever had to make while being forced to recount the painful details of the night that changed her life.
1. Support

My Name is Sara Sidle

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI but I do own anyone you don't recognize.

Told from Sara's POV

Chapter One: Support

"My name is Sara Sidle, and as a result of my rape I'm now five months pregnant".

I'm at my rape support group with seven other women. I'm seventeen years old. I'm in college at Harvard. I'm five months pregnant. And now my overprotective brother made me move back in with him. Five months ago I was walking to my car after a late night of studying at the library. My professor stopped me so he could have a word with me. He was my math professor. I trusted him. He walked up to me and pulled out my math test we'd taken earlier that day. I could smell alcohol on his breath. Finally after several minutes of feeding me useless crap I said I had to go. I began to walk away. I felt someone forcefully grab my arm. I screamed and he covered my mouth. He dragged me to his car and raped me for thirty minutes. It was the most painful thing that had ever happened to me. I begged him to please stop. When he was done he ejaculated into me. He zipped up his pants. I was crying, he told me to shut up. He pushed me out of his car and said if I ever told anyone he would kill me. He sped away leaving me crying on the cold, hard, concrete. I pushed myself up and drove to a hospital to get a rape kit. My brother was called; he was worried for me and pissed off at Peter Honz my math teacher. My brother's name is Fabian. When our father was killed by our mother and we were put into separate foster home's he always managed to stay in touch with me. We loved each other. But he managed to get mixed up with the wrong crowd. If the Socs and the Greasers were still around they would probably be classified as greasers. They weren't murders or drug dealers, but they defiantly got a rap. They were a group size around thirty people. They all treated me like a sister. They were a decent mix of men and women, all around Fabians age, which is twenty two. Fabian got involved with the wrong girl one time, got her pregnant. Now he's a single father. His daughters name is Katie. Katie is probably the best thing that ever happened to him. He grew up a lot after he had her. She's adorable, nine months old. I love her she's my only niece, she calls me mama. I told her to call me Aunt Sara, but she's too little to understand.

"I knew him… it hurts to have someone you know do that to you" a woman sniffled through her story. I hold back my tears. I know hoe she feels. I trusted Mr. Honz, and he just took it what I had away from me. I felt like I was doing well. I was in school, getting straight A's, I had a job, I had Fabian and Katie, and the rest of the crew if I ever needed to talk. Which I needed to do a lot more since I found out I was pregnant. When my brother and his crew found out that I was raped, they tracked down Peter before the police even had time to get in there car. They beat him shitless, almost killed him if the police hadn't gotten there. He barely made it to the hospital. I'm glad they did that for me.

"My name is Farrah and as a result of my rape I'm also pregnant" she was sitting next to me and shyly smiled, I smiled back. We share each others pain, she looks further along than me. I want to cry.

"Ok so we all know each other now?" the group leader asked a little too cheery for rape support group. I close my eyes and wish this was over. We discuss what were going to in support group for the next hour. We were finally dismissed and I hoisted myself up. I was walking out the door when someone grabbed my arm. I screamed as loud as I possibly could. Peter grabbed me on my arm before he ruined me. The assailant immediately let go.

"Oh Sara I'm so sorry!" Farrah said

My breathing slowed to normal. "It's fine, what do you want?" I asked a little rudely.

"I'm really sorry, I just…" she said panicking a little.

"It's fine"

"Well I was wondering… you wanna go out to get something to eat? Or hang out? Or something, I got my car out front, we can go, my treat." She smiled.

I smiled back. She was just trying to be friendly. I wasn't really good with people outside of Fabian, Katie and the crew. But I was going to try and get to know her. It might be good for me for to hang out with someone who knows what I'm going through. The crew and Fabian try to understand but they just can't.

"Um, sure but my brother must be outside waiting, I'm going to go tell him I'll be with you, you should come he always wants to know who I'm hanging out with or where I'm going."

"He's overprotective huh?" Farrah smiled

"In a good way"

We walked in silence outside and spotted my brothers black car right away.

"Come on" I said

We walked towards his car, I knocked on the window. He looked at me, smiled and rolled the window down.

'Hey Sara you gonna get in?" then he spotted Farrah, "Who's your friend?"

"Um Fabian this is Farrah, I met her today in group"

"Oh, does she need a ride home or somethin'?"

"No, I'm going to go out to eat with her, we, uh, have a lot in common"

Fabian looked at her pregnant belly. "Oh well just give me a ring when you need to be picked up, alright? I'll be with the guys"

I nodded and leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. "Bye Fabian"

"Bye Sar," he said skeptically

"I'll be okay Fabian" he nodded and drove away.

I got into Farrah's car and we drove away to a little restaurant, where Jasmine (one of the crew members) took me out when we first found out I was pregnant.

"This place is nice" I said

"It is" she smiled

We were seated at a booth, and we both laughed when neither of us could squeeze our bellies into them. We were seated at a table with cushioned chairs. After we got done looking for what we wanted we set our menus down. Farrah was the first to speak.

"So we've got a lot in common"

I nodded.

"Who did this to you?" she asked

Tears sprang to my eyes "My math teacher"

"I'm sorry"

"It's fine. What about you?"

"My brother"

_I could never imagine Fabian doing that to me._

"That's horrible"

She nodded "How far along are you?"

"Five months, what about you?"

"Seven months"

I nodded again.

"Do you have a support system?"

I had to smile at that "The best one around"

"Your parents?"

"No my father is dead and my mother is in jail"

"That doesn't sound good"

"It's exactly what you think"

"Well then who is your support system?"

I smiled again "My brother, his daughter Katie, and my brothers "crew" there really protective of me"

She smiled shyly "That's nice"

"Who's your support system?"

"No one"

"Not even your parents?"

"They hate me, my brother is in jail for a crime he committed, but they believe he didn't"

"That's horrible"

"It is"

_One hour later_

"Fabian, I'm ready to get picked up"

Review people! And there's more chapters to come!


	2. Searching

My Name is Sara Sidle

Chapter Two: Searching

Disclaimer applies for all I don't own Ugg's

I've been thinking a lot lately, about my babies' life. I don't think it would get the best life possible with me. I would be a single mom with my struggling brother's help. He has his own kid, he doesn't need another one. If I kept the baby I would ultimately have to quit school and get a job full time just so we could get by. I asked Fabian about it in the earlier stages of my pregnancy.

_No Sara, we'll get by, they don't give out scholarships to Harvard to anyone, don't let that get away._

I took his advice, although I would feel horrible having my brother being the sole supporter of my child. So I've been thinking lately, what if I put the child up for adoption? The baby would be well taken care of in a home of two happy people who _want _and are capable of taking care of a child. I never blame my little baby for what happened. I love her no matter what because she is mine and will always be mine. But I cannot give her what she needs, she wouldn't be happy with me.

_The next day._

I walked in the kitchen and saw Fabian drinking coffee and reading. He just took up that interest, reading, I like that he's doing that.

"Fabian?"

He looks up and smiles "Wanna sit?"

I nod and take a seat and pull up next to him and he turns toward me and grabs my foot and begins to massage it. I love Fabian.

"So I've been thinking…"

"About what?" he asks still massaging my foot. He sounds worried.

"You and I both know neither of us can raise this baby right?"

"We can try"

"I'm not going to put a strain on you and Katie"

"What are you talking about Sara?"

The next words are hard for me because this is the first time I decided to say it out loud.

"The baby would be better off if I gave it up for adoption"

Fabian stopped rubbing my foot for a second and the atmosphere seemed tense.

"Sara Bear…" Fabian starts, he rarely uses Sara Bear anymore only when one of us needs to feel love, desperately needs love. "I'm with you one hundred percent on whatever you do, I'll miss the kid but whatever's best…"

"I would never said goodbye to the baby completely, it would be an open adoption, we would get pictures every month, see her every once in a while."

A/N: I just realized how depressing this story was… it's defiantly a change of pace from other stories I have written.

"I'm with you Sara"

"And after the baby is born, I'll move back out and get my own place and finish up everything I need to do"

Fabian continued to rub my feet. "You're my only sister Sara I love you and I don't want to do anything to push you away"

"Fabian you can't protect me forever; I'm grown up now…"

"Sara no your not, you're a confused pregnant seventeen year old in a adult world"

"You're saying that like it's my fault I'm pregnant." Tears began to form in my eyes, and then spilled down my face. Fabian looked up.

"No, no, no baby girl don't cry" Fabian wiped my eyes and hugged me, where in his arms my tears began to flow into a steady stream. Fabian held me tighter mindful of my belly.

"It'll be okay Sara, I guess it's… I just love you, you and Katie are my only blood family, and so will that baby. If you keep it and, we'll move into a nicer house…"

"Fabian please!" I couldn't stop crying "It's my baby and I'm going to miss it too! But we both know this wouldn't be better with it around! I love my baby, no matter what…it's just, I can't"

"I'm sorry Sara" he kissed me on my forehead; I knew he wasn't behind me one hundred percent on this, but he was going to try.

He got up and got me some orange juice "I love you"

I smiled "I love you too Fabs" (pronounced Fey-bes)

He sat down and took another sip of his coffee "So tell me more about this adoption plan"

"Well I've been looking up some agencies on the internet, and I can choose the one I like, and I go in and look at some portfolios or people who are looking to adopt and I meet them and get to know them for the rest of my pregnancy. You can come too"

"When would we do this?" he sighed

"Well I'm going to call the agency after were done"

"Go ahead"

Fabian released my foot and I got up to go to my room, quietly passing Katie's room since she was still sleeping. I got to my room and put a robe on and sat down on my bed and pulled my laptop of the ground. I logged into my account and looked up the adoption agency I was into. I looked up the contact information and gave them a call. I set up an appointment for next week. I lay back on my bed and rested my hand on my belly. Next week I will officially be six months pregnant. And next week I will choose my adoptive family.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Today Fabian and I are going to the adoption agency. I'm really nervous even though I'm not meeting them. I'm just going through portfolios. My baby will have the best life. Besides as much as I love the crew, there a horrible influence, I'm surprised Fabian lets Katie around them. I heard a knock at my door.

"Come in"

Fabian opened the door. "You ready?"

"Yeah, give me a second"

"Okay" he closed the door.

It was the winter months December 1st to be exact. I grabbed my big winter coat (it actually kept me warm), my hat and boots which were actually Ugg's I saved up to buy, and my black gloves. I walked out of my room; sadness was etched into my face. Fabian was in the living room with a sleeping Katie on his shoulder. I didn't have to worry about being too loud. I was too sad too talk. We walked to the car and Fabian opened the door for me I mumbled thanks and got in. I slumped in the front seat of the car. I could tell Fabian felt my pain. He looked sad too. I really do wish I could keep this baby. I wish we could all buy a nice little house like Fabian was talking about. The four of us, and Fabian would get married and have more kids. We'd begin to rebuild the family we'd lost as children. We dropped Katie off at Maggie's house (member of the crew); she softly smiled and waved when she saw me in the car. I waved back. They were all trying to be supportive of my decision, but it was going to be like losing on of there own. I wiped tears away as Fabian got back in the car. He kissed my temple.

"It'll be alright Sara Bear"

I smiled. Twenty minutes later we were at the agency. I wish my baby was conceived out of love, maybe then I wouldn't be struggling through this pregnancy in such a harsh manner. I would maybe move in with my boyfriend and he would support me. We would keep the baby, and live happily ever after.

"You ready?" Fabian turned to me

"Ready as I'll ever be"

Fabian helped me out of the car. We walked into the building. We were directed into a room with a couch a coffee table, a water cooler and a small plant. A woman came in several minutes later with a large stack of leather black folders. My heart dropped I felt tears rush to my eyes. I tipped my head back and blinked several times.

"Hello, I'm Deb, I'll be your adoption agent, I'm the one you spoke to on the phone, you must be Sara" she extended her hand for me to shake. When I put my head back into the right position, she looked taken aback. I took her hand.

"Hi"

"You're a young little thing" Deb slightly chuckled.

"I'm seventeen"

"Oh" Deb nodded.

_She probably thinks I'm some stupid teenager who's still in high school who forgot to take her birth control or use a condom._

"I'm her brother" Fabian extended his hand

"Deb" she said, she looked slightly disgusted as she scanned the tattoo taking up his whole arm. It was a symbol of his loyalty to the crew.

She smiled at me "Honey, don't you wanna take that big jacket off, your gonna get heatstroke with the heat up in here!"

I smiled and took my coat of regretting it almost instantly as she looked scanned my growing belly.

"Well let's get started"

She explained the process of choosing and adoptive family, my knees were bouncing the whole time. All I wanted to do was find a good family for my baby, then go home, make hot chocolate and read a book. But I knew I only had one-shot at this. So I was going to do it right.

Two Hours Later:

We chose our family, Jerry and Kellie Ross. They were amazing people. They were unable to conceive because Kellie had run out of eggs. When Deb came back, we told her we chose. She smiled and told us she'll arrange for us to meet next week. Fabian and I walked out to the car and sat there for a minute.

"Are you okay Sara Bear?"

I turned to him "No"

Ok people I can tell by my stats that over 100 people already ready this! Please review!


	3. Parenting

My Name is Sara Sidle

Chapter Three: Parenting

Today Fabian and I are going out to meet the adoptive parents. I found out I was having a little girl. I cried. It was now December 5th. Kellie and Jerry seem like great people. I can't wait to meet them. Deb called yesterday day, she said they were ecstatic to meet me. I other hand am not as excited to meet them. Their going to take my baby away from me. But I know it's the right thing to do, she'll be surrounded with love and happiness. That's all I want. I was laying down in bed thinking about what I would have to do today. I turn on my side and look at the clock. It's 4:00am. I have to start getting ready to go at 7:00. I meet the parents at 9:00. I heard a babies cry coming from Katie's bedroom. Fabian works so hard, he must be tired. I get up and go see what she wants.

I walk into Katie's room, and smile at her.

"Hey kiddo what's wrong?"

Katie's shrieked decreased as she looked up at me. I picked her up in my arms and she stopped crying completely. I held her up in front of me and kissed her, and then I got a baby cloth and wiped her tears away. Then I adjusted her in my arms and sat down on the rocking chair in the corner of the room. She kept squirming around; I don't think she was sleepy anymore. I stood her up my thighs, she put her hand on my belly, then she buried her face in. I stroked her hair while she babbled away at the swelling under my shirt. I smiled at her.

"You're going to be a big cousin"

She tried to jump up and down but I stopped her.

"No, no, no baby" I cuddled her. I knew she was getting to old to be treated like a newborn. But I loved doing it. Katie was a beautiful baby. Thank god Fabian took Katie away from her deadbeat mom, Katie lived with her mother for her first month of life, thank god she can't remember. One day Fabian and I went over to visit her when she was a newborn. She had a poopy diaper, and she was crying and crying and the mother, Gina was just sitting there. Fabian battled it out with Gina and now he has full custody of Katie. Fabian walked in her room.

"Is she okay?"

I looked up and smiled "Yeah she's fine, just a little lonely"

Fabian walked behind the rocking chair and stroked my hair. "You ready to meet Kellie and Jerry today?"

"Yeah, I don't want to cry in front of them or anything…" I said rubbing Katie's little back.

"It's gonna hurt Sara…"

"I know" I began to sniffle "I'm tired, I think I'm going to go lay back down" I said slowly getting up and handed Katie off to Fabian. He smiled and let his fingertips brush over my belly, I lightly smiled back before turning my back to him and walking to my room. I lay down in my bed and began to cry. I guess I was being pretty loud because soon Fabian was sitting on the side of my bed stroking my hair telling me it will be alright. I wish it was going to be alright. I really do

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Fabian and I got to the agency early, because we surely didn't want to be late. We dropped Katie off at the babysitter's house and came straight to the agency. We both decided to wear something nice. We wanted to make the right impression on them. I wore a nice navy blue blouse and a pair of clean dark jean, while Fabian wore just a plain white shirt that went down and covered all his tattoo's and dark jeans that didn't sag.

Fabian closed the car door went around and gave me a hug.

"This is it, pumpkin, you ready?"

"Yeah" I nodded hugging him a little tighter.

We began walking towards the front doors.

"Fabian?" I asked

"Yes"

"Do you think after we meet them, we could go out to eat, just the two of us?"

Fabian smiled down on me "Yeah, of course we can"

"Good"

We walked in and checked in, we were told to wait in the waiting room until Deb came to get us. I took off my jacket and looked around. There were other pregnant people here. Looking to give there baby a better home. I placed my hand over my stomach and sighed.

Fabian looked at me, "Nervous?" he asked

"Nervous is an understatement" I mumbled.

We waited several more minutes until Deb finally came out. I didn't notice her at first but then she walked up to me and placed her hand on my shoulder. "Sara?"

"Oh hey Deb" I said pushing myself up.

"Are you two ready to meet the parents?"

I had a solemn look on my face and nodded. This was going to be hard. But I was going to make it through.

Deb led us through a maze of hallways until we reached a small room with a desk and chairs facing each other. Two on each side, in two of those chairs were two clean cut, business looking type people. My heart dropped. I was actually doing this. I walked in and they looked over at me they immediately stood up the woman I assumed to be Kellie hugged me mindful of my bulging belly. She hugged me for what seemed like days.

She pulled back and we both had tears in our eyes. She gave me a kiss on the cheek. "Thank you so much for this"

I nodded "Your welcome" she pulled me in for another hug. Finally we pulled apart. I moved down and gave Jerry a hug. He kissed me on my cheek and tucked my hair in behind my ear.

"You're a brave girl" he whispered to me. I smiled at him. I instantly liked these people. I introduced Fabian as my brother.

"Nice to meet you" he shook their hands.

We all sat down and I told them my story.

"Well as you all know I'm seventeen, I'm a sophomore at Harvard. One day after studying in the library my math teacher approached me and dragged me to his car then proceeded to rape me. He's currently ten years in prison since I technically am still a minor. I decided there's no possible way I can raise this baby on my own or force my brother to do that for me. So here I am."

Deb, Jerry and Kellie looked horrified. Fabian looked mad, he wanted to kill Peter. He wanted Peter to have life in prison. He wanted him to suffer like I did, and I couldn't blame him, I wanted him to suffer too.

"I'm so sorry…" Kellie started

"Don't apologize, I hate sympathy"

She nodded. So I continued to tell them everything else about me. How I got into Harvard so early, my horrible childhood, how my brother was always there for me, Katie, the crew, my rape support group, my interests, and everything in between.

They laughed at the funny things and cried at the sad things. They got up to hug me and kiss me several times. During the hardest stories I grabbed Fabian's hand, I'm so glad he was here to support me. I needed him so much.

Finally Jerry and Kellie told us about there life, and it seemed pretty good, they showed me pictures of there family and there home and they even started to set up a nursery. I was so happy. Meeting the parents was actually quite easy. After several hours we decided it was time to go. I gave them both huge hugs.

"Thank you so much for taking my baby girl in" I said with misty eyes.

"Thank you for letting us have her" Jerry said placing his hand on my stomach.

We arranged to have another meeting in two weeks and I couldn't wait. Maybe with parents like this it won't be so hard giving my baby away, knowing she's going to a great home.

I left the agency with a smile on my face.

"Someone's happy" Fabian smiled at me

"This is the first time I've felt happy in months Fabian, I feel good about this"

He wrapped his arm around me "You still wanna get something to eat?"

"Of course"

Fabian opened the car door for me and we got in and drove away.

_I'm actually happy._


	4. Soon

My Name is Sara Sidle

Chapter Four: Soon

My due date is coming up very soon. In one month to be exact. Ever since I met Jerry and Kellie I've been feeling much better about my decision to place my daughter up for adoption. I've been happier lately, Fabian has been happier, I've been with the crew more. I haven't lost contact with Farrah, she had her baby. His name is Olive. I visited her in the hospital, he was too cute. She's keeping her kid. I know she's going to struggle. She told me she would.

Kellie, Jerry and I have discussed how often I would be able to visit. I would be able to visit them five times a year for one week! I think that's perfect. That's more than I would have asked for. I'm very grateful that they are so generous to me. Today I'm going to my midwife to discuss signs of labor. I'm 33 weeks.

Fabian is just dropping me off; he's going to hang out with the crew. After I'm through with my appointment he is going to pick me up so the crew can talk to me too. I know this pregnancy is tough on everyone, but it was ultimately my decision.

Fabian knocked on my door.

"Come in"

"Hey you almost ready"

I put my barely fitting jacket on and nodded. Fabian walked over to me and pulled me onto my feet. I can barely move around any more and it really sucks.

"Yeah lets go" I waddled and Fabian stayed close behind.

I walked in the living room where Katie was all doused up in her winter wear, chewing on her teething ring. She looked at me.

"Ducky" she said, taking notice on the way I was waddling.

I laughed and picked her up.

Fabian nudged us outside. I handed Katie off to Fabian and got in the front seat, while Fabian strapped Katie in. Then he hopped in the front seat.

He began to drive then he turned to me "So you ready to have that kid?"

"Yeah, kinda" I said. My back was constantly aching, my feet and ankles were swelling, I was throwing up at all times. And I miss my baby even though she's still with me.

"It'll be okay SaraBear"

I smiled at him. It was a forced smile, but he didn't seem to notice.

Fifteen minutes later he pulled up in front of the OB-GYN office and kissed me on the cheek.

"See you in a bit"

"Bye Faabs" (pronounced Feybz)

I got out of the car and slung my simple brown purse on my shoulder and listened to the snow crunching beneath my feet. I was greeted by a rush of warm air when I walked into the office. I walked up to the check in desk.

"Hi Tweetie" I said

She looked up and smiled "Oh hey Sara, you're early, I think Dr. Harold is with another patient but I'll let her know you're here"

I smiled and nodded. Dr. Harold was great to me. She gave me lots of tips during my pregnancy and helped me at all hours of the day. She was aware of my situation.

I sat down and pulled my book out of my purse and read quietly as I waited my turn.

"Oh I can't wait for our little baby to get here" A women and her husband walked towards the door of the waiting room holding pictures of the recent sonogram.

Tears stung my eyes but I told my self to stay strong. I continued to read.

"Sara?" my doctor called out

I attempted to get up several times, but I kept faltering back. I sighed as my doctor pulled me up. Luckily there was only one other person there to witness.

We walked back to her office. She sat in her chair and I pulled myself onto the examining table.

"So Sara you are 33 weeks, correct?" Dr. Harold asked

"Yes" I nodded once

She turned to me in her chair and looked up from my file. "So the first thing you need to know is when you hit 35 weeks you could go into labor at anytime"

I got butterflies in my stomach, and it wasn't the baby. I nodded "Okay"

She smiled at my nervousness in a motherly kind of way "Okay signs of labor" she crossed her legs one over the other. "Well as far as contractions go, they should feel like horrible menstrual cramps. Call me immediately when they begin so I can get prepped okay?"

I nodded. I'm horrified of giving birth. I want have my baby naturally, but I'm horrified of the excruciating I'll be in.

"About 72 hours before you go into labor you'll have a bloody show"

I cringed

"It's a vaginal discharge, particularly a mucous type discharge"

"Of course your water will break. It has a distinct smell and it shouldn't be painful"

"You may not have _contractions _but you could have Braxton Hicks, do you know what those are sweetie?"

I nodded.

"And then you could be nauseas, diarrhea, restlessness, or irritable"

I nodded. I really didn't know what to say.

I waddled to Fabian's car and climbed in. I had a look of terror in my eyes.

"What's wrong SaraBear?" he leaned in and kissed me on the cheek.

"I don't know Fabian"

"You wanna talk?"

I was silent. "No"

"We will later" he kissed my temple, and drove off to the house where all the crew was waiting for us.


	5. Broken

My Name is Sara Sidle

Chapter 5: Broken

Being nine months pregnant _really _sucks. I feel like I'm about to burst at any minute and I'm slightly afraid to move. I'm stuck between wanting to get this baby out and not wanting to go into labor. I just don't know if I can do that. I'm really scared. Fabian has stepped up his game. He knows that this is a sensitive time for me. I'm tired, swollen, achy, and sad. I was confined to the house really; I was on maternity leave from school which really sucked. I tried to drown myself in books and work so I wouldn't fall behind. Fabian says I need to relax. But he's never been nine months pregnant at the age of 17. It's horrifying. And the fact that I have to give my little girl up is even worse. Part of me wishes I never gotten pregnant. I know it's not her fault, but I can't help but to think it is. I mean does sperm _always_ have to go to the egg? Wow, listen to me. I'm a horrible mom, and that's why I have to give her up.

"Hey" Dana opened my door

I smiled "Hey"

Dana was apart of the crew. She was arrested several times for theft. She had a bag of fast food in her hands.

"I heard you were feeling down, you hungry?" she held up a bag of food.

"Yeah" I said scooting around in my bed to make room for her.

She sat down "You don't mind if we eat in here do you?

I shook my head. She leaned in and kissed my cheek. She pulled out a 50 piece Chicken McNugget meal with a variety of sauces, and two large fries.

"Mmm, thank you I'm starving" I said opening one of the McNugget meals.

"No problem"

We began to eat in comfortable silence.

"Are you okay?" she finally asked

"What do you mean?"

"You're about to have a baby, you're seventeen, you're scared"

"I am scared"

"Baby I'll be here with you through whatever, I just don't want you feeling depressed. I want to know if you think adoption is the right way to go"

Tears stung my eyes. Why won't any one trust my judgment? I know adoption is the right way to go.

"Yes I'm absolutely sure okay?" I glared at her.

"I'm sorry" she softly tousled my hair

I snuggled up next to her and we continued to eat in comfortable silence. We finished our meal after a good twenty minutes. And she kissed my cheek and held me when I began to cry.

"Oh no" I said sniffling

"Did you just pee on yourself?" Dana asked slightly pulling away from me.

"No Dana my water just broke" I said my heart rate increasing, this was it.

"Oh my goodness I'm going to get Fabian" Dana said jumping up from my bed and racing out of the room.

I began to get up and walk over to my drawer to change. I grabbed a towel and wiped my legs up. Fabian and Dana came into the room.

"Baby are you okay?" Fabian said gently grasping my shoulders.

"Yeah, I need to get my pants on, grab my bag we'll go to the hospital"

Dana walked to my closet and grabbed my bag with some clothes and a few little baby outfits.

Fabian supported me as I walked down the stairs Dana close behind.

"What about Katie?" I asked holding my belly.

"I'll stay with her" Dana volunteered.

"Thank you so much Dana" Fabian said.

"No problem" Dana leaned in and kissed me on my cheek. "Good luck"

I lightly smiled. I gave my doctor a quick call and we were on our way.

/

Several hours later we were at the hospital, Kellie and Jerry were contacted, they decided they would give me some space while I had her, and give me some time alone with her.

After hours of hard labor, I had a new daughter. I named her after my brother.

Her name was Lexi Fabian Ross.

She was the most beautiful baby I ever seen. I never wanted to let her go. I held her in my arms and stared at her smiled and her and cried. I finally had to let her go so that the doctors could do a full evaluation.

I loved my daughter, I wish I could keep her, but I knew my daughter needed the absolute best life. And as hard as it is, that wasn't with me. So I knew I have to do what I have to do. I have to give her up.


	6. Enemy

Chapter 6: Enemy

Fabian walked in my room the day after I gave birth with a dozen red roses. He set them on the nightstand next to me.

"You did a great job" he leaned down and kissed me on my head and kissed Lexi on her little cheek.

"Thank you" I smiled up at him.

He sat down next to me and stroked my hair and then stroked Lexi's cheek. "Kellie and Jerry are coming today"

My heart leaped. I know they weren't taking her away when they got here, but I love her, I want to keep her.

"Oh"

Fabian stroked my hair, "Don't worry Sara, their not the enemy"

Tears began to spill down my face. "I know"

Lexi became distraught as my tears spilled down on her face.

"I'm sorry cutie," I lifted her up and kissed her forehead and wiped both of our tears away.

"Sara listen I don't want you to get to attached to Lexi, because the more you do, the harder it'll be to give her up when the time comes" Fabian calmly stated

I took a deep breath knowing his statement was all to true. I took a look at my daughter who was moving around non-stop in my arms. I put her in one of the outfits that I bought her. I smiled at her and placed her in Fabians arm. I couldn't get attached, I won't let myself…

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Kellie and Jerry came in quietly through the door, carrying gifts and balloons. Even though I slightly resented them at the moment I put on a happy face.

"Hello" I said with a slight smile.

"Hi" Kellie said as she came up to my bed and gave me a bear hug "how are you feeling?"

"Okay, I guess" I responded fidgeting my hands.

Kellie leaned in and whispered to me "I know this is hard for you, but we really do appreciate this, and we'll love you forever for this decision." She gave me a kiss on my cheek.

I smiled as tears began to spill down my cheeks once more; right then I knew I made the right decision.

We turned to look as Fabian gently placed Lexi in Jerry's arm. At this time Fabian's tattoos were completely visible since he only wore a white tee-shirt this time around. But it seemed as if Jerry and Kellie didn't mind. Lexi woke up when she was placed in Jerry's arms. She then began to cry while being introduced to a new person. But Jerry had the situation well under control.

"Shh, shh, shh its okay baby girl" Jerry murmured as he swayed the child into a near sleep-like state. "She's gorgeous, just like her mother"

I smiled "Thank you"

Fabian and I exchanged glances and Kellie slowly walked over to my, well I mean their new baby. They cooed over every detail of Lexi. Then Kellie broke her trance and walked over to a small present, picked it up and sat on the edge of Sara's bed.

"Sara, we got this present for you" Tears began to well up in Kellie's eyes as she handed me the box.

I gently grabbed the box, and slowly unwrapped the present. I saw a bracelet box from Tiffany's. I opened the box to find a diamond bracelet with charms that said "K", "S" and "L", standing for Kellie, Sara and Lexi.

"Oh my God" I quietly said.

Kellie smiled as she talked but her voice shook and tears filled her eyes "I got three of these bracelets and I want you to always wear yours, and I'm always going to wear mine, and when Lexi gets old enough I'm gonna have her wear hers and in that way we'll all be sort of connected.

Tears spilled down my face. "You didn't have to go out and buy me this"

Kellie grabbed my hand "I wanted to"

I turned my head toward Fabian, he was crying too. I leaned in even though it was painful and gave her the biggest hug I could possibly give her "Thank you"

Then everyone in the room was brought to tears by the precious moment.

/

The day finally came. The day I had to give up Lexi. Fabian told me not to get attached but, silly me, I did. In the short 72 hours I was able to spend in the hospital with her, I tried to spend every moment, kissing her, hugging her, and coddling her. But now here we all are in the middle of the parking lot of the hospital all ready to hand Lexi over to her new parents. We were standing near the trunk of Kellie and Jerry's sky-blue mini van, which was all prepped to take Lexi to her new home where she would be loved, and cared for, and spoiled and all the things I want for her to have.

Fabian was helping Jerry properly strap the baby car seat in the back of the van while I was holding my baby for the last time before she had to go.

"Take her" I said as she gently handed the infant to Kellie.

Kellie accepted the baby while I turned around and broke down into tears. And throughout my whole pregnancy this was the worst cry I had ever endured. My whole body was trembling; tears were running down my face like a river, I finally collapsed on the ground; I knew giving up my child would be hard, but I never knew it would be _this_ hard. As soon as I hit the ground, everyone became attentive to me. I sat up and leaned against the bumper of the car. Everyone except Kellie came to me and dropped to their knees, since Kellie had the baby in her arms.

"Sara are you okay?" Fabian asked

I shook my head no. "I don't know if I can go through with this"

Jerry and Kellie's face froze, while Fabian seemed slightly excited, he wanted to keep the child all along.

Kellie squatted down to me, "Sara please, do you want to keep the baby or not?"

See you next chapter! Review please


	7. Tonight

Chapter 7: Tonight

Did I really just do that? Did I really just take away someone else's joy? Did I just take on a responsibility I can't handle? I decided to keep Lexi. I decided to keep the love of my life, my daughter, my everything. I applied for Social Security checks from my mother, and father. Also I demanded that Peter Honz supported Lexi for the rest of her life. We went to court. Once again I had to face my attacker. I won.

So here I am sitting in my room (which I share with Lexi) holding my new daughter. Not feeling joyous, happy, or sad. You know the regular emotions that new parents feel. No. I feel numb. I took away a gorgeous baby from two parents that could give her whatever she wanted forever. Why did I do that? I'm not sure.

I'm going back to school and starting my job soon. Harvard is starting a daycare. So I get a free baby sitter. I still work at the same crap fast food restaurant. But, some income is better than none.

So tonight I go to sleep and hope for the best, tomorrow I'll wake up and see what the day brings.


End file.
